UFC 245: Usman vs. Covington

Battle of the **** sniffers. Who will get outsnuffed? Tune in to find out!

I don't like Colby but I'll be rooting for him purely for the chaos that will ensue, and for the hysterical rage from all the Trump derangement Syndromers. That and Usman is a supposed Nigerian patriot but lives, trains, and fights out of America and does absolutely nothing for his country of birth. I don't like hypocrisy.

That said Usman is just straight up a better wrestler than Colby, so I don't think he's gonna win. 

* Edited at 11.03.2019, 7:43 PM ET *

Definitely too much too hope for. This will be the most boring title fight in history. 31/2 minutes of every round will be hugging and fondling and it will go the full five.

For ****'s sake. Don't I always say the universe is ceaselessly trying to date **** me? This is literally the 4th time this month I've been scurrilously  offered free hand-basted Bandicoot wings as a pretext for a jackpot docking session, though to be fair  'sword fight under the pale moonlight' is more poetic than the last guy's proposition.

And while we're on it, Freemoney--see that ****? ^ It's called R-O-M-A-N-CE. And no; I  DO NOT want to ' tie a chain of sausages' with you in the men's restroom this Friday. You can keep your **********in' 5 bucks and pack of Mcvite's Digestives you oily spandex and flip-flop wearing foreskin- like- a -busted- balloon- animal  cheap ass Canuck *****!

Pull up a chair Joe you silver-tongued prick; I'll admit, you got me hard for a minute there but that **** went limp as a dead clam the moment you flew that  'loike mam used to scream' 'bit, because I've already had her, I've got the scars to prove it, and as we say downunder, you can't step into the same Roo twice. Turtle vegemite dressing is barely enough for me to go to third base. What kind of a ***** do you think I am to be seduced with such common fare? You think I can't get by, Johnny rut-a-bout?

You think I can't shelf a box of nerds and bebopalula-baby right the **** out of safeways here and there!? You think I can't live off this brick of Government-issued tasty for another month!?  Pfffffft. I've  blown my welfare in a day on rock and spent the rest of the month banging it in a stormwater drain sustained on trickles of rainwater and algae licked off the walls. I crushed that **** like a ******* aquarium snail! Yes it was rough. Yes I went bug**** in the complete blackout meth-accelerated sensory deprivation and bred a rat or two specifically for purposes of gladiatorial mortal combat--but I stopped the second Ricky Lake slid out of that pipe and told me why it was wrong. I'm not a ******* monster and when the Queen talks I listen. And Yes when I finally crawled out the manhole, pale as an eel's belly and fifty times as greasy, hissing like Bela ******* Lugosi, I raided a nearby lemonade stand and tried to eat some ginger kid's fingers. And? It's not like everybody hasn't thought about doing it at least once.


**** you. I'm going back to the park.

* Edited at 11.04.2019, 3:35 AM ET *