Wobble-shop Benjo: ****-wool raked up out the half-rats Skilamalink fly-rink O' Baldric Eggling.

This thread will function as a kind of omnium gatherum for the melange of dissenting observations and opinions I have about MMA, MMA bouts and fighters, things I find humorous, and essentially any other thing. Why? Because sewage warrants proper curation as much as anything else. Arguably more.

Toshers and specklebellies welcome. No mutton-shunters, namby-pambys or needy-mizzlers. Pull up a stool and smother the parrot.

* Edited at 11.01.2021, 6:47 PM ET *

I want Colby to win purely for the ensuing snowflake meltdown which would cause sea levels to rise by enough to submerge some inhabited islands. That, and the fact that UFC and the fans defend his father who is quite objectively guilty and  a truly ****** human being along with it  (as anyone who had read the case report would know) grates on me. That said, a Covington win is pretty unlikely. I just don't see how Colby could have improved his striking so much that he's able to hang with Usman on the feet. Really the first fight wasn't competitive, and it's a kind of travesty that Covington was up with the judges before the KO/TKO. He was not winning that fight.

Might pick Colby just for ****s and giggles and some very enjoyable slap 'n tickle if he does pull a rabbit out of his ass and get the W.  But Usman probably wins that fight 8/10 times. It might sound odd but I think Colby's best path to success is pressure wrestling as I believe that Usman is far better offensively than he is defensively in that same capacity.

* Edited at 11.01.2021, 10:17 PM ET *

It's true.

I had a Mcdonalds' thickshake last week. It was terrible, which wasn't unexpected, but what was was  being forced to use a paper straw. Not a quarter of the way through, it had begun to warp and dissolve, and being paper (cardboard) it created far more 'shake-drag', I suppose due to an increase in friction, and I had to suck harder than an impatient gold-digging pinch**** trying to induce a heart attack in her sugar daddy to extract even a millilitre of fluid in one take.

Sorry Ronald; I don't appreciate sitting at a filthy-edged table in fluorescent-tube lighting, getting stared down by a down-syndrome child with shaved pickle hanging off his antihelical fold, taking a sugar and pig-fat Mickey D clown load that is probably giving me three varieties of cancer, all the while blowing into a rapidly warming cup of goo harder than prime Louis Armstrong ripping out trumpet solo at the Hot club de France. Please understand: I'm a childless mid-thirties man who has walked into a Mcdonalds, mostly for the air conditioning. I'm seated alone at the only available table, which faces directly towards a window the size of a bus, staring into a ball pit filled with raucous kids, and it's probably the case that upwards of 70% of the parents present have assumed I'm a Pedo. I'm not at the height of my dignity here. Allow me to preserve what little remains.

Why do I have to use these things? Why does anybody? Because one in ten thousand manatees mistakes a plastic straw for a seahorse, eats it and gets a thore tummy? Maybe if you didn't produce them in the same colours as a Garbo's high visibility vest they wouldn't be tempted. Ever heard of a transparent plastic straw? Of course you have. They're as thick as my arm and come with the iced frappes.

And while we're on it, what have sea cows ever done for anybody or society broadly anyway? It's all take. You want to go green, Mac? Start milking them for the shakes. It'll probably improve the flavour, and I can go back to using a straw that doesn't become a ******* shoelace two minutes into the drink. Predictably, someone is going to pull out the 'Why don't you just buy a reusable straw?' Thing out their ass, so allow me to just nip that in the bud: Why don't you grow your own wheat on the couch, mill it with two hand irons on the kitchen bench, take the flour and knead it into your own bread with your elbows? Why don't you just grow your own rice in the sink? Instead of buying apple puree, why don't you just munch up a golden delicious  and regurgitate it directly into your baby's face like a mother owl?

Give me convenience or give me death. It is no less ridiculous to me, and I am as likely to carry around a personal straw as I would be to trundle about a wall oven, and  the requisite solar electrical grid to power it, to the end of heating up the single pizza pocket I intend to eat in the park for lunch on any given day. Where do you want me to store it? Not like it's a nickel. I don't carry my entire house around with me. I'm not a snail. You want me to walk around with it sticky-taped to my index finger?

And the whole thing wouldn't nettle me so much if it were the case paper straws achieved anything at all, but they don't. Listen to this: They're not even recyclable. So there's essentially no reason for them to exist anyway. OK. But they're more easily disposed of, right? Let's ask nana google:







Oh well, easy enough then. It's a simple as rutting about in the mulched earth beneath the hedges, bathed in the gentle light of the neon golden arches like a wild, diarhettic worm-mad sow or a lunatic bum stashing his booty of stolen logs of baloney. Getting forcibly committed has been on my bucket list for some time now, it will be good to tick that one off. I'll remember to bring a spade next time I'm peckish to get served a burger that would terrify my grandmother's gynecoligist by some acne-riddled chicken-faced teen dork who hasn't washed his hands since 2018. Or perhaps they mean my garden that doesn't exist --the one by the water mill and the goat domicile among the lavender and rosemary, where I press my own cheese, by hand, with muslin cloth in the celestial glow of the moon. 

In any case, it hardly matters. Every trip to Mcdonalds is a massive purge on the environment. One could probably cook a narwhal and three endangered species on a flaming stack of car tyres, take a **** in a whale's blowhole, wipe their ass with a hunk of uranium, throw it in the sea, and still come out more ecologically sensitive than if one were to feed a family of three at Mcdonalds.

I'm out.

* Edited at 11.03.2021, 5:35 PM ET *

Did you work at McDonalds? You seriously hate McDonalds. I like their cheeseburgers, I know I'm eating garbage. What else is to expect? It's not high class, ******* double Big Mac with extra bacon. Raging psychotics, fat ****s, stupid people.

Never go full fast food unless you are drunk and high. 

Not a big fan of it yet i go there all the time, usually because my dumbass friends go every time we have a free. To think the emperor has to settle for rancid horse meat when he could be gorging on g****s. 

Bring back plastic straws, or you could just be a weirdo a carry around a reusable one.. 

A lot of places are making their cups into sippycup style cups to get rid of the need for straws altogether. 

@Fresno I will never drink a thickshake from a sippy cup.

I'm not mad.

Funny enough that they'd give you a paper straw for a shake when most takeout shakes also come with a plastic spoon. Don't understand why straws are being specifically demonized

@baldric you may not be mad, but others certainly are. 10 years time you'll find yourself resentfully trying to slurp a shake out of a design originally intended for toddlers

The irony is that because paper straws droop faster than an old man's hard on, you end up using about three of them.

Please help fren! I fall out of the sea and is thirsty.

this thread is a real carnival of insanity

Oh--we're just getting started here ;)

I ******* love it

@Baldric Eggling

I don't always agree with some of the things you say but you're right about this one. Paper straws are ******* useless! 

Also, I can imagine that @Gregory must've had a migraine when he saw this thread lol!  

@Stephen I'll take it. The only people who want everybody to think identically are the ones picketing Dave Chappelle. 

Let's see: It turns your penis into a giant arrow, your hands sprout walnuts. your skin becomes transparent and your wife morphs into a Hentai girl.

I'm going to guess the secret ingredient in said water is Acid. 

https://vimeo.com/manage/videos/642193441

* Edited at 11.04.2021, 1:51 AM ET *