UFC Fight Night: Whittaker vs. Gastelum

Gerald Meerschaert   vs.   Bartosz Fabiński 


I dislike Meerschaert immensely--both as a 'Fighter' and as a person. Every bout that doesn't involve him getting iced in the first round is like badly needing to take a **** when eating a butterless brown rice sandwich in a light drizzle whilst waiting for a very late train.


But despite this, and the fact he only tenuously clings on to his tenure in the UFC like a ****-barnacle on the porcelain as a favor to his Buddy Paul Felder, he is both unperturbed and shamelessly unapologetic. He bloviates in mumbled pressers, looking and sounding like a ragged basset hound with a tick in its anus about how he's the incarnation of Perses who will obliterate his opponent. Then in total contradiction to those statements lurches out  and makes love to that same person's thigh and knee tendons for 15 minutes with the same impotent lethargy employed when wheezily depositing a teaspoon of seed into his bland bonneted wife after eating her bland spaghetti dinner in a bland brown-wallpapered room in Blandton Abbey, Blandton.


And to make it all worse, they've started giving him layups--which is really what Fabinski, who should be peeling potatoes on a Russian fishing vessel is here. It's actually ******* amazing how spectacular this promotion is at fishing out the right species of can from the recycling bag for so and so fighter to crush so they have an excuse not to cut them.


**** this thing. Merelyscharts by sub.

* Edited at 04.14.2021, 8:19 PM ET *