UFC on ABC 2: Vettori vs. Holland

Sam Alvey   vs.   Julian Marquez 
How long for UFC is Sam, a man
of I.Q barely five and three, whose fists
like turds of tantrum chimpanzees
are dumbly flung with hope to land?

To take him to his happy place
chuck his chin and ask 'who's Sam'?
as spittle flies he'll scream 'I am'
And before you've offered up protest

He's **** into his very hand
and made with it to paint your face!
And should you offer to decline
like Bonobo swinging on the vine
he'll whoop and beat his chest!

As Gingers go he's very nice
but task him to a puzzle book
for children ages seven, eight
you'll see the glazed familiar look
of fishes laid on shaven ice.

For what's behind that gawp of Sam?
A place of very little, there. The need
for meat, some dust and air?
Circus tunes and dancing bears?

He'll likely go into the void
when Marquez catches chin or neck
a spastic hairy ginger mess who'll fade
to black just like George
 
And what can he retire to,
with mind not greater than a yam's?
A staple of the petting zoo, to like
domesticated kangaroo take pellets
meekly from the feeder's hands?

But spare a thought for Mrs Sam!
Who's downing whiskey dram-by-dram
and teasing feces from the hair
of children who are bricks of spam

because they have been sired by Sam
who just looks on without a care
and sat upon his freckled thumb.
There's simply nothing to be done:
She's mated an orangutan!

* Edited at 03.31.2021, 12:59 AM ET *

@Erison why? So you can call upon your vast experience in training fighters and personally tailor him a new risk-assessed training regime? I've no doubt that would work out spectacularly. Do you people ever stop and think 'Gee, maybe the professional athlete who is the one doing the actual fighting in his own body, and the sports scientists who he's paying might possibly, maybe, be more qualified to solicit better training advice than mine, which is  basically the home-brewed wisdom of pointing to what one fighter does and simply saying 'he should just do that too'?

It's not hard to break the collarbone. In fact it's literally the most frequently broken bone. Injuries happen. 

And I don't really get why people care this is off anyway. Vettori is a terrible matchup for Till and it was basically a foregone conclusion. He'd have been subbed or pounded out within three rounds, tops. I actually don't mind Holland as a replacement. He's tough to finish on the ground and a wildcard striker. He'll probably get merked but considering what I just said it's the same net result as it would have been anyway.

* Edited at 03.31.2021, 7:52 PM ET *