UFC Fight Night: Eye vs. Calvillo

Eye vs Cavillo is the fight to you watch with your GF the day she decides she gets interested in MMA so that this interest never develops further.

This is possibly the ****tiest card I've ever ******* seen to the point I'm about 85% certain I'm not even going to watch it even in such an advanced state of MMA deprivation. It's pretty much an insult to my life to watch this even if I have anything even extremely marginally better to do, which includes cleaning the shower. 

Absolutely infested with bumfights and WMMA bouts which are trash even by the standards of WMMA which is net garbage. I don't even know what the trash equivalent of Avila vs Rosa is. Certainly not something you'd be allowed to drop off at your local tip. That fight is the sort of waste that is incinerated in an underground facility that isn't listed in the phone book or is sealed in a drum and dropped into the Marianas trench.

Agapova vs Gatto? Go **** yourself with your 5 years of service Trophy Mr Shelby. If I wanted to see that **** I'd pull up a chair in the Seer's shoe aisle during a black Friday sale. How dare you.

What else we got--oh,J'en reviens Pas! Here comes heart throb Luana Carolina sliding out of the brown paper bag, who will no doubt fight like a Biafran defending a NATO airdrop from some scavenging animal against the single most disappointing WMMA prospect in living memory in a fight nobody asked for, will ever want to see again, or ever wanted to see in the first place. Best you can hope for here is that Luana eats off Lipski's fight shorts.

 I mean seriously why even bother? A bad product is worse than no product at all.  

Imagine you're out somewhere and decide you want something to eat. There's no vendors around but there's a local Italian place that still has the lights on and the door open. So you waltz in. It's late, they're about to shut. The waiter tells you the cooks have gone home for the night, but he can bring you something regardless. 'Why not'? You think.

So he shuffles off to the bathroom and expels the enormous turd that's been pleading to be expunged since the beginning of his eight hour shift, scoops it up along with some of the toilet water and places both in a finger bowl, plops in a stick of celery and presents the entire abomination to you with a short bow, gesture of his hand and a 'bon apetite'. And it costs 49.95$.

That's UFC Fight Night: Eye vs Cavillo.

And the celery is Roberson vs Vettori. It's not that great to begin with, and it's definitely not made more tempting by being immersed **** soup.

* Edited at 05.26.2020, 3:36 AM ET *