Tapology Talks: Videogames

Slim pickings these days Green. They've even ruined fallout.

Dunno what I'll do if the next Elder Scrolls game sucks.

Minecraft, dota and mining games

Lately I got strong interest in mining games where I can have some chances to win free bitcoin Its good way for beginners to earn some btc. Plus the game is interesting and simple for playing. 

I have clocked in a total of 243 hours into UFC 4. It is my third most played game. I haven’t been more depressed by a statistic since I found out more than 50% of Americans believe ghosts exists.

Look, I get it, I get why these games will never, EVER get any better. It’s a brilliant, albeit evil strategy by EA: purchase every significant sport license, basically own an entire genre of video games, and the money makes itself. “Who the **** needs to put effort into video games anymore? They have nothing else to quench their Madden addictions! We’ll just make the same game every year but with more bugs and microtransactions!” The Cheeto finger licking ****** EA executive says, cackling maniacally circling his pinky fingers around his fat pubic hair ridden nipples. 

Honestly, I almost respect the idea. It’s a con man’s wet dream, ******’ Jimmy McGill would kill to work at EA. I’m content with the fact these games will never get better, because EA has no reason to try to be better when everyone is as eager to suck their teet for some succulent loot box juices like the most malnourished veal in the flock, especially since Dana, being the jew he is, re-signed a deal with EA to make games for five more years, because sports executives don’t give a **** about a game’s quality, only that it sells. I am perfectly content with that reality.

BUT GOD ******* DAMN IT IT MAKES ME SO MAD


The fact they are still using this dog****, backwoods game engine since the first title is the most blatant sign they have stopped giving a ****. The engine is straight up not finished, the physics are bizarre and have no ******* consistency whatsoever. Sometimes, kicks will land foot first but phase through the opponent like I’m Bruce ******* Willis seeing dead people, but sometimes it will land just because. Sometimes I defend takedowns perfectly, other times it says “Nah, **** you. I don’t care if you’re finger******* the shoulder buttons with the aggression of a pent up steroid ridden Mongolian who has been locked in a basement for thirty years watching nothing but every single Rambo movie and Conan The Barbarian, you’re getting taken to the ground.” 

And oh my god, what is with the ******* knockdowns in this game?!?! I have to knock my opponent down, at the very least, FOUR TIMES IN SUCCESSION, before he finally goes to sleep on the fifth spinning heel kick. I’m not a pro fighter or anything, but I wanna take a quick guess that if you’re getting knocked down more than three times in an actual fight, the fight is over. It’s like Mario Yamasaki is reffing every single match and letting my opponent be a warrior. 

By the ways, you guys wanna know how to win EVERY SINGLE MATCH against the A.I in the game? Here’s how you do it:

1. Choose wrestler 
2. Takedown opponent (preferably in the clinch because shoots absolutely suck **** in this game)
3. Get into side control
4. Go into side saddle or crucifix
5. If the opponent pushes back into side control, simply go into side saddle or crucifix again, it takes too much stamina for the A.I to fight back
6. Elbow opponent repeatedly until their face looks like a puckered *******

Congrats, you won the game! Your reward is a toaster, you now have the pleasure of holding it, running to the nearest public pool and cannonballing straight into the water. Hey, at the very least, it was way more fun than playing UFC 4.

* Edited at 12.07.2021, 8:09 AM ET *